i've never in my whole life cried for my friends. worse still, they are all having fun now .. wherever they are. damn you girlfriends! now wanny's off for camp. will only be back on thursday. oh great! shit .. tears just won't stop rolling down my cheeks. =(

i need help ...

i want my gfs back ...

i want my muz ...

and i'm hating ryan cabrera's true. for making me cry! stupid song!

above mentioned says it all.

i am missing so many people right now. life can be so mean sometimes.

had a great time with my family. and pakcik's family.

oh ya. little ilhan molested me. he was rubbing my thigh and kissing it on the bus. hahhahahaaa.

boys will be boys ...

btw, had a good chat with errol. yes yes. im shagged. and im getting on it! ahahahha.

wannybanny my darling, cheer up alright? it's not over yet ... =)

zel called at half past midnight. she was sobbing and all. silly girl. *mwah*

she left for the philipines already. everyone's leaving ... *sobs* muz left me. i mean, he's back there. then mel, now zel. thank god fiq appeared! that arse! he went m.i.a eversince new year. he called in the evening. and guess what? that sucker was back home 2 days ago from k.l. he was there for a week! knn. pergi tak bilang orang. grr. but boy am i glad to have u around BFF! there's also wanny and john left. i know ... pathetic 4. but people, we still have each other. =)

met wanny for the interview. last minute thingy. interview ends at 5pm and we were there right on time. i'm such a sucker with directions. wanny kept asking me how do we get to town from suntec. like, what bus? and i kept asking her back. it took us forever to reach town. bumped into jiaqi. ah~ long time no see old friend. i was shocked that she actually hugged and kissed me on my cheeks. aww. she remembers me .. ^-^

then, wanny and i went on separate ways. she had to go to k.a.p for some instructor meeting and i had to meet qian at c.c.k.c.c's mCd for dinner. and guess who i saw theree ..

zarifi and hidayu ...
rafidah and haizad ...

haha

it's so weird to .. u know .. not sit with them as a group. we're in the same place but on separate tables. very weird. dragged qian to my place after dinner. we sure do had a lot to talk about. had fun catching up. qian left at 11pm and i called my muz. 12mins left on ICC so yeah it's 0 credit now. am chatting with him now. surprise .. surprise ... webcam from him!! awwww~~ for like .. 1 1/2 hour!

aaaaaaahh!! so many january babies. it's sweety hui qian's 18th birthday today!! mmmwah babes!

and exactly a month ago, tsunami hit us. may they rest in peace.

zaki is officially 13 today. he hit his first teen! yay! happy birthday zaki~ eventhough kakak don't have the money to get you anything, =p hope ur day is great sayang~

what a kakak i am. tsk.

muz woke me up at 530am. had to wash dishes or else mama will kill me!! x_x

mel will be leaving later tonight.

she's so gonna have loads of fun.

bitch! =p

first of all, before i start blogging, i would like to wish my good friend, Lailathul Zunairah Omar a very joyful 18th birthday! happy birthday to you sweets!

muz gave me misscalls at 7am. i got up, chatted with him while waiting for an sms from wanny. wanny said to meet her at khatib mrt by 830am so i had to log off. =( showered, got dressed and all to meet wanny banny. we had troubles going to bedok. from the west to the east. agh. so confusing. we took a bus from khatib to tampines. wasnt sure of what bus to board from there so we decided to go for the mrt. dropped at bedok. and from there, we took a cab. ite bedok is just so cool. school of hunks! we were late. half an hour late. wanny had only 30 minutes to complete the test since it's a one hour test. poor thing. she did well though. i made friends with this girl. my age, shorter and slimmer than me. her name's fazila. she's also like me .. waiting for her friend to complete the test. at least i had company. on the way out of school, we bumped into this old friend of mine at the staircase. shahlan .. that boy. again, we had troubles getting out of bedok. took bus number 222 to bedok intechange. then took bus number 18 to tampines. and from there 67 all the way to bukit timah. it's 1 1/2 hour bus ride. there was this bangla onboard with us. bloody hell. kept looking at us. wanny must have smiled at him. wanny miang!! hahaha.

met mel at al-azhar. played a bit of pool. then went to chill at my place. this will be the last day together with mel before she goes for holiday. she's leaving for london tomorrow. for almost a month. god i'm gonna miss her.

wanny saw the party hats my cousin bought from L.A. we had them on! haha. we looked so cute. i'm serious. and we had a glass of cheng tng. yeah. a cocktail party. nono. cheng tng party. wanny left for town to meet zel and john while mel and i went to have dinner at ljs.

went to chill at my void deck. just the 2 of us. how sweet. after mel left, i called muz with my ICC!!

mom invited pakcik mansor & family, pak itam & family and not forgetting my dearest granny over for lunch. a sumptuos one. i didn't join them. tak suke ah that lauk. least favourite. this lunch was like a .. u know .. as a .. umm .. thank you for being so nice and thoughtful and caring towards my mom. it touched our hearts.

i tricked muz again! my webcam was on. then my cousin, firdaus stood beside me. he told me to shut up, just look at the cam window and not to look at him. i did and was shocked to see that tattoo (which i thought was for real) on his chest. bloody hell. it was just ink. muz saw everything. he asked whether it's real tattoo or just temporary. we said, it's for real! hehehe. i told him i have one too. somewhere on my body. a small butterfly. he believed! oh my. i didn't know i could be a good liar. muz got mad .... =p

everyone left already and i have to go clear the mess now. have to wake up super early tomorrow. gonna accompany makcik wanny to ite bedok for her drawing test. so long~

my mom's soft cries woke me up from sleep again. and the house phone couldn't stop ringing. everyone asked bout my mom. worrying me even more. the medicines from the clinic wasn't of much help so we decided to bring her to the hospital for a better check up. doctor said something about galstones or whatever it is in her tummy. gave her a jab and some painkiller.

went over to pakcik's place. my granny's not ill anymore. yay!

oh btw, pretty woman was awesome!

there's lodeh, rendang, sambal udang and kari ayam in my kitchen. ah! those hari raya dishes. i'm so sick of them! had enough already. hari raya aidilfitri was like over only a few months back. muak!

went over to pakcik's place right after the the males in my family were done with friday prayer. was the second family to arrive. what a record! my granny's ill. she spent almost the whole day in ilhan's room. dad gave me an International Calling Card. ICC for short. yay! i can call my muz!

btw, the both of us were in brown. hehehe. how sweet ...

mom's pain came back in the evening. so my family was the first to leave. another record. was always the last one. neways, went to the clinic. mom had a check up. she's alright now.

called muz ... ^-^

alright. am gonna watch pretty woman now!

yes mel. i have to agree with you. yesterday was better than i expected .. despite the tiff i had with muz. went to meet zel, john, mel and wanny at far east to like .. ease myself. i didn't have any problems dressing up. don't ask me why. i was in my skirt and my gola jacket. just that. mel and wanny kept trying to undress me. made me scream like a fool. bloody bitches. should've worn something inside! i didn't bring a single cent with me cause i thought we were just going to chill at the esplanade. but NO. mel collected her pay (finally!) and then we had dinner at Thai Express. mel blanja-ed meee. thank you mel! there were cili padi-es everywhere. hahaha. walked around and then sat under this lion at ngee ann civic. talking cockerel all the way. wanny was the first one to leave. and zel was the one who noticed the dick on the lion!! haha!

told them about john legend and muz. they find it funny .. especially when muz asked me *so how's john?* ... i thought he was asking me about john .. hazel's bf. so i said *he's fine .. i guess* and muz got mad again. like .. what the .... it was my fault though. i misinterpret his question. eh no!! not totally my fault. how would i know he was still talking about john legend?? poor john legend ... please forgive muzakkir. =p

reached home and it was almost midnight. was listenning to sheila on 7 in my room when my hp vibrated. a phonecall from muz. well, his call made me less angry. at least he knows that i wasn't happy. he asked me whether i'm ok and i replied him with a dull no. i lied. hehhe. we hung up and then i sent him one pretty long sms. minutes later, he called again. this time, i let it all out. hehehehe. he's sucha naughty guy. a huge liar too. just wait and see what i'll do to him when we meet again ...

oh mel .. shaadesss. ^-^

i know i know. i missed entries for 2 days already. why? nothing much to write about. just me and my silly dreams about him. also, amazingly .... was up early for 3 days straight. strange.

ok, i'm leaving pretty soon. told momma that i'm going over to hazel's place. to meet my girlfriends. well yes, i am meeting them but not over at her place. it's the esplanade. i'll be in deep shit if she knows that i lied. so yeah ... and i'm feeling a bit er .. oh well.

john legend captured my heart. he's just so sway~ but hey. he's just a celebrity. and for sweet revenge, clever muz brought the subject up of having a double date later tonight. yesss. how smart of him. girls ... how would you feel if your beloved someone says this to you ... ?

*hey .. i'm going out for dinner tonight. it's like a double date. see my friend's with his girl and she's tagging her friend along. she's gorgeous .. i heard*

ugh!! double ugh!!!

enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i might go on strike for days!!!!!!!

UGH!

juara laguuuu~

anuar zain performed!! my awwaaaaa!! soooo frigging cute okay!! oh my god!! hehehe. well, muz is my awaaa! and dayang!! so gorgeous!! im so gonna get their album. i'm only interested in anuar zain, ziana zain, m.nasir, dayang nurfaizah, ning baizura and mmm. oag? ya. that's all.

so, dayang won!! for .. umm. which category? can't remember. sadly, none for lovely anuar. well, maybe ade. i dunno.

muz is out .. sending shahman to malacca. safe journey sayang~

and oh! i had the ... freakiest dream ever. iffah was in it. we were sitting by the beach at night. then iffah took out 3 cans of .. beer from her bag. the can was white in colour with some red prints. she passed me one. and guess what? i 'drank' beer! iffah was already gulping on her 2nd can. i didn't manage to finish mine. there was 1/3 of liquid left in my can. i tried to finish it in one gulp but then i heard voices. have you ever watched 10 commandments? there was this voice ... er .. it was coming from the sun. aiyah. god was talking to me!! and then, i looked at iffah who was already half dead on the sand. i looked down and let the dirty water in my mouth flow out. the smell was so strong!! i wonder why .... hmmm

oh well! that was sucha dirty dream. igh!

promises are just so sweet when they are kept. my muz promised me that he'll be webcam-ing with me tonight and yes he did! i miss him so bad. he can even ask me whether an hour will be enough. an hour? u kidding me? it's more than enough! *mwah* what more can one ask for. it's the sweetest thing he did for our first month anniversary! (on the 15th that is) hehehe.

this morning, at around 7am, i was awokened by cries .. from .. my mom. i woke up and saw her sitting on my bedroom sofa, crying. she told me her tummy's hurting her damn bad. my eyes were wide opened but my brain was still slow. i did not get her message instantly. seconds later, the phone was ringing. i made my way out of the room, feeling a bit drowsy. it was my granny. she was practically yelling at me. telling me to bring my mom to the doctor. then it hit me! my mom! i had a quick shower, dressed and then brought her to the clinic. doctor said she's having gastric pain. i dunno whether that's serious or not. but i think it is. how come she's suffering so badly? ....

at home, i left mom in her room alone. told her to get some sleep. everytime i went in to check on her, she was either pulling the bedsheet, tossing and turning or ... well, cursing about the pain. she was crying ... made me cry but i kept my cool. time was 9am and hell, i've a whole list of chores to do. the house is in a mess!! and i have to do them all alone. i'm already soo sleepy. thankfully muz was online the whole time. so he kept me going. thanks luv.

managed to finish everything and so decided to take a short nap, in less than 10mins, i was awokened by the doorbell. it was my uncle. bummer. went back to nap and just when i was soo close to slumberland, the doorbell rang again. this time, it's my brother. urgh!! decided to chat with muz .. =)

soon after, mak ngah came over with along. her eyes so red and watery. she went in to see my mom. along and i followed her .... and the 2 sisters were crying. i cried too. i don't want something bad to happen to her. now, my mom's okay already. such a relief!

endure .. i've been saying that to a lot of people.

lailathul, coz she said her factory job is super tough. hazel, that surprise party for her beloved john. nosha, to bear the pain he's facing. wanny, hehe .. she's tired of washing plates. harwinder, about his job too. and a few others ....

there you have it, word of the month. e.n.d.u.r.e

now, i myself can endure no more. nono. it's that i can no longer endure this. i am just .. missing him. tomorrow will be our 1 month. i feel like calling hazel now .. i'm .. at the verge of crying. but she's outside with john celebrating his birthday. i don't wanna disturb her. ah. shall go watch tv .. and wait for zel's call.

i did it again ... ughhh

i know its almost impossible to do.. but please.. next time try to get hold of urslef.. n try to xpress how u feel to me.. otherwise.. theres no point we both having each other if we cant let each other know our feelings.. please.. CHANGE for me.. CHANGE for our relationshp to be better CHANGE for urself.. if it takes a lifetime for u to do it.. then i'll b by ur side for d whole process.. at least try.. n not let it be.. do sumthin abt it.. please please please.. can?

im sorry muz

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY JOHN!!!
HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY MAK NGAH!!!

there wasn't any entry for yesterday because i was freaking pissed off at the end of the day. just when i thought that the start was beautiful. with the sun shining ever so brightly. soft breeze ... ahh~ be-oooooooooooooooo-tiful! but then, this computer, or internet error (whatever you call it!) have to spoil my moood.i'm glad it's ok now.

so, i found this very nice ..... um. poetry? puisi or sajak. whatever it is .. it's called 'Cherita Indah'. it has always been my favourite. eversince last year. hehehe. happened to chance upon it in the school library. and the book is now mine to keep .. forever! hehehe

Ada bunga
Mekar wangi
Belum bernoda
Segar sekali.

Ada kumbang
Gagah perkasa
Sanggup terbang
Memutar maya.

Dalam mengikut pusingan saat
Kumbang bertemu bunga di taman,
Terikat kasih mesra sepakat
Menyusun hidup teguh berzaman.

awww. nice? forgive me zel, mel, aaron and others who don't quite get this. it's soooo beautiful!!! i just feel that this is the right time to share with everyone. the time is right .. yeaaah.

it's so windy. and i'm so cold ... typing away .. all alone.

muzakkir lectured me. i was .. scared. i still am. *bites nail* ok, he just got online. and is still lecturing me. *frowns* everything's ok now. am playing yahoo pool with him. hmmm .... 5mins left.

so much to say .. but i'm lost for words. easier said, just feeling a bit down. i don't even know why i'm feeling down ...

aiyah. i'm so vulnerable.

should've just stick with my cold war plan. now that i've lost ... *squints* got a message from muz. his mom's using the comp. we won't be chatting again tonight. it looks like, we can only chat in the morning. ah? but i have housechores to do. how?

i sure did a lot of housechores today.

yesterday, i sent nabilah to school and today, i fetched her from school. wow. without hesitation! believe it or not!

see this new blog skin? do u like it? i love it! soo much. but, where's the archive? *frowns* can someone help me with the archives? and .. i still have no idea of what to fill in under 'likes' and 'dislikes'. just his name under 'likes'. nuthin else. and how the heck do i add extras like 'wishlist' and so on?wanny's blog's frigging cool. that's so unfair. i hate you wanny! hehe. it looks so complete .. unlike mine. feel like changing mine but sayang ahh!! with the song and everything. so nice. hehe.

btw lailathul, *** kau sabar je la dengan kerje kau tu. kerje mane yang tak memenatkan? dah dapat kerje tu dah bagus le sayang. tak macam aku ni. dudok rumah jadi mother number 2. boring beb. takde duit. =( so, endure yaaaa!! mwaah! ***

john's birthday is this coming friday. what john?? 17 only ahh? i'm gonna be 18! hahha. my aunt's gonna turn 50 this saturday. cool aye. 50 already. mak ngah turning 50! 50! hehehhe. it's a good time to have a birthday party. also, it's my first month with muz this saturday. so fast ... ^-^

it's 130am. i'm sooo gonna turn in soon. very soon.

was supposed to go to the doctor's in the morning. but, mom wasn't feeling too good. she told me to go there alone. hell no! never! not after that incident. nonono. so yeah, i stayed at home the whole day. yes, the whole day. with my eye, still like this. well, at least it's better than yesterday.

i did a lot today. housechores!! starting to have a thing for sweeping. hehe. oh! btw, i prefer sweeping than using the vacuum cleaner. don't ask me why. i even sent nabilah to school! amazing!

since my lil bro is still in school, and that muz will only be home at around 6+, i decided to install my most beloved SIMS 2. but then ... i do not know why there are problems with the installation. almost killed me. was supposed to chat with muzakkir by now. but he's still not here. obviously means ... he's not coming. oh well ...

let's just see what i have in store for him tomorrow ...

*rubs hands with glee*

muz ... i hope u're ok. i'm really worried.

i woke up with a huge smile on my face but when i realized that muz isn't here with me today, it turned into a frown. long distance is tough. now that we've met it's tough-er.

went to a jemputan. and oh! i so can't wait to meet mom's childhood bestfriend. she calls her lela popeye. cute aye. mom said she looked like olive (u know popeye's gf) back then. as thin as her too and yay! i can't wait to meet cik popeye! hahhaa. mom has been telling me her childhood stories since i was a kid. and cik lela popeye was often mentioned. they've not met for quite some time and hell i'm excited!

anyways, that was how i felt before the jemputan. now that i've met her, hahha. she's funny. just like what mom always say. but she ain't as skinny as olive now. u know what she said to me? she said ...

cik popeye : anak saye NS .. hehehe

me : *blushes*

pandai2 je my mom wanna matchmake me to cik popeye's son. oh btw, my mom knows about me and muz already. *smiles*

i'm feeling rather down. why hasn't he message me? not even online .... is he cheating on me?

......

i just got home .. at erm 12.45am. am feeling shag now. very!

we went to queensway .. shahman was lost. hehehe. too many shoes there and it's so hard for him to find one. wanted to bring them to mukhsin's shop. wah siao ah. if he sees me like that with muz, i'm gonna be dead. he's gonna tell harwinder and then i'm in deep trouble. left for town, walked to lido. bought 3 tickets - meet the fockers. poor shahman had to watch it again. sorry! the boys were hungry so we had burger king at far east. met iffah and her cousin. then went to hmv, shahman got himself a cd. still no shoes. hehe. went to walk around cineleisure. i wanted to show him the skate park but damn i missed it. on our way out, i saw tasha and safiah. then off to lido again. meet the fockers!!

movie was dirty. but damn funny. the best movie ever so far. thank god i watched meet the parents already. neways, if u missed meet the parents, it's ok. can just go watch meet the fockers itself. u're not missing out on anything. muz .. love you! hehe ..

it was kind of zel and john to meet us after the movie. they accompanied us to beach road. i had to send the boys off. aww. off to malaysia boys ...

i didnt talk much during the last hour.

missing you .......

happy new year! what's your resolution for this year? well, i don't have any.

it's new year! start a fresh! come to think of it, isn't it scary? like ... i'm gonna be 18. and with that i can buy cigarettes, alcoholic drinks and even go clubbing LEGALLY!! yes yes .. almost everything's gonna be legal this year. but me? being 18? i still behave like a 16 year old. no. i feel more like a 7 year old. like nabilah. ergh. fact is ... i'm growing old!!!!!! nonoo. i dun wanna be 18. i used to say *i can't wait to turn 18! i can have a bf when i'm 18! i can't wait!* ... oh well. but i already have a bf. and i'm not even officially 18. considered 18 already la coz ... 2005 mah. i follow the year .. =p

ok ... how did i celebrate my new year?

muz and shaman came over yesterday which was new year eve. *read previous entry. -i was so super nervous about them coming over. anyways, they reached singapore at around 5 i think. i was supposed to fetch them from beach road but heck i'm dumb. i do not know how to get there by myself. so, they made their way to choa chu kang and there, we met. for the first time! btw, muz is my bf. how did we get together? it's a long story. a lil twisted also. trust me .. u don't wanna know. =) so, i brought them back home. i changed, they had a meal then we head off to town. meeting zel, wanny, john and mel in the bus. alighted at far east and waited for fiq. mel and wanny went to lucky plaza to withdraw some cash while the rest waited for the super star. hehe. once fiq arrived, we went to lucky plaza to meet the girls again. on the way there, fiq, zel and john were walking so damn fast, leaving shaman, muz and myself behind. tak baik sehhh!! on our way there ... *ahem* we held hands. ahhh shiver me timber! =p when we reached lucky plaza, my friends .. i know they were bitching bout me. nb ah! hehe. muz wanted to go to the toilet and he wanted to check out this err .. game store, so the 3 of us left them again. when we were done, my friends were gone. -_- . they went to paragon without telling me. so we met them there. mel and fiq were hungry so we went to cine's burger king. once done, we left for esplanade! woohoo. esplanade was packed with people. ooh crowds! i likee! countdown was rather special this year. no fireworks. a tribute to the tsunami victims. countdown in silence. after that, electrico performed. electrico! local band! waaahh! i didn't know. they're damn good i tell you. zel got hungry so we went to lau pa sat. it was already 2am by then. oh btw, john left for home. something personal. managed to get a cab somewhere near boat quay. aah~ a night to remember!

i'm gonna go get ready now. hafta meet my baby and shahman from cik lan's. i'm coming honeyy~ gonna bring them to queensway and ... town. where else! hehehe

muzakkir rajaei is .. my first true love.

*mwah*

last night was the first time for everything. first time i could spend new year outside. first time i met muz. the first time we celebrated new year together. my first hug, my first ... aiyah. lots la.

anyways, there weren't any fireworks. aww. we had the countdown in silence. in memory of the tsunami victims. yah ... enough bout the tsunami disaster. it's so ... sad.

last night was like a dream come true .. he was here with meeee. 2004-2005. ok, here's awhat happened yesterday. went to fetch him and his friend at choa chu kang interchange. brought him back home. u know what, we were sooo quiet in the lift. damn the elevator. the ride up seems like forever. they waited for me to change and when i was done, we left the house. waited for the bus to town. zel, john and wanny were already in. mel joined a few stops later. i sat next to him ... ya was awkward. he wasn't talking. he did la. using hand signals with his friend, shaman. and i made myself busy talking to mel. reached our stop and we waited for fiq.

mel wanted to withdraw some cash so wanny followed her to lucky plaza while the rest of us waited for fiq. fiq arrived and we walked to lucky plaza to the 2 girls. on our way there, zel, john and fiq walked ahead of me, muz and shaman. while walking .. we held hands. >.< hehehe. i was shyyy. but i kept my cool. hehe. my friends couldn't stop looking at me. i felt so .... MALU! they've never seen me like that before. not even once. so that was something new. and more new things are expected to come. i hope. walked to hmv, and then mel was hungry so we went to cine's burger king. right after that we took a bus to the esplanade. there were 2 different stages. one was conquered with some punk rock band and the other (which was the main stage) was a bit peaceful. yah like i said, countdown in silence. wished everyone new year! then ELECTRICO performed. waaa. local band. damn good ok. i was shocked. i didnt know that it was them singing that song on the radio. waw~ hot! muz was getting tired, hehe. and shaman was quiet most of the time. hazel was hungry so we went to lau pa sat. we had satay. hehe. took a cab back home ard 3am. the whole time i was with him, so many sweet things happened.

waaa. im such a sucker in thissss. hehhe. zel .. wanny .. mel .. fiq .. u should know what i mean.

he'll be leaving for k.l tonight ..

ohhhh no. ohhhh boy. i could'nt sleep!!! well .. i eventually did at 5am and i got up 3hours later. noone was awake so i went back to sleep again. but could'nt. kept tossing and turning. shit man. today is the day. muz is on the way here. and i'm so not prepared. i'm damn bloody nervous. eh siak ah. i canot do a single thing since morning ok!! im so weak .... aiyo .... tolong ahhh tolongggg!!!